I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
