I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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