i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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