At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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