She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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