I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
