I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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