no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
