Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So squirting runs in the family.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
