dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
