I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
