we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Your cock deserves a montage
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
