Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
