My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
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I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Your topless pictures make me question reality
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2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We had sex on a dog bed..
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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