I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
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I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
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I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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