He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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