I bet he comes in French.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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