If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
