i was born a porn star she said
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
