sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
