to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
