It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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