Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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