I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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