i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A bitchslap is in order.
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