So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
