so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm too high and old for this...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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