You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
