I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
