i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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