I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
