The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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