Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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