saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
