I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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