Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Randomize
