I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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