im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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