its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
