There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
