nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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