i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
