you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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