I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
