there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
