she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
