we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
