I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
