Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
