best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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