so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Randomize
