they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
