My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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