wat bout pragnant strippers??
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
