my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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