I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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