Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize