I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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