haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
