ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
