I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
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The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
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I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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