Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
operation have a gay friend backfired
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
