Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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