dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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