I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
