Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
