Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
