why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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