what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
