I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
3 2 1 whiskey
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
