What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You smell like stripper and shame
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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