apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
