When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
