just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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